Be Good, Be Nice, Be-long
During the 1950s there were instruction books for everything you can imagine, but they all basically said the same thing; Be Good, Be Nice, Be-long. And in the 1950s, belonging was very important.
In an attempt to try and fully understand how middle class American women survived these confining cultural structures, for the next six months I will research the lives of middle class American women who lived during the 1950s & 60s, and photograph my efforts to cook, clean and run a family with the cultural high standards of that time.
That said, I am already mentally strained just thinking about folding myself into a role that suffocated my paternal grandmother. I am in a constant tug-of-war with myself over giving my full-time school studies and personal needs, as much weight as, managing the lives of my kids, making sure everyone has clean underwear and creating a "good" dinner every night.
I have a husband who demands nothing from me in terms of upkeep with the household chores, who does weekend power-washes, which means he manages to do all the laundry and put it away in two days, and will help-out when ever asked. But I am the one who is home, and so I have noticed a tilt in what our jobs are. I mean, there is a difference between helping someone out (which implies the job is theirs in the first place), and noticing what needs to be done and doing it.
In a sense, some of my inner struggles are the same as my grandmother's, but not all of them. She would have never asked my grandfather to help out with the laundry, it just never would have occured to her, but she must have thought about it at times, about the unfairness of it all. She knew something wasn't right about the agreement she made with her life, why else would she have burned her college degrees, the pictures of herself as a young woman?
Whether you make the choice to have children and work, or to have children and stay home, one question must be true for all of us-
How much time and space can I claim for myself?
In an attempt to try and fully understand how middle class American women survived these confining cultural structures, for the next six months I will research the lives of middle class American women who lived during the 1950s & 60s, and photograph my efforts to cook, clean and run a family with the cultural high standards of that time.
That said, I am already mentally strained just thinking about folding myself into a role that suffocated my paternal grandmother. I am in a constant tug-of-war with myself over giving my full-time school studies and personal needs, as much weight as, managing the lives of my kids, making sure everyone has clean underwear and creating a "good" dinner every night.
I have a husband who demands nothing from me in terms of upkeep with the household chores, who does weekend power-washes, which means he manages to do all the laundry and put it away in two days, and will help-out when ever asked. But I am the one who is home, and so I have noticed a tilt in what our jobs are. I mean, there is a difference between helping someone out (which implies the job is theirs in the first place), and noticing what needs to be done and doing it.
In a sense, some of my inner struggles are the same as my grandmother's, but not all of them. She would have never asked my grandfather to help out with the laundry, it just never would have occured to her, but she must have thought about it at times, about the unfairness of it all. She knew something wasn't right about the agreement she made with her life, why else would she have burned her college degrees, the pictures of herself as a young woman?
Whether you make the choice to have children and work, or to have children and stay home, one question must be true for all of us-
How much time and space can I claim for myself?
posted by Amanda at 1:17 PM
1 Comments:
It is not always a "choice" whether you stay home with your children or work. I am always amused when people talk about how difficult it is to run a household. How can that be - if that is all you have to do - remember anything else that takes up your time are usually things you "choose" to do - unlike a working mother who runs a household while still managing to work a 40 hour work week. We spend our spare time doing things we "have" to do - wash, laundry, making meals for the week - all in the evening and on weekends. So please try and be a little more considerate when talking about your trials and tribualtions of raising your children and taking care of your husband - you have 40 hours a week to devote strickly to just that! I understand that your children must be small - taking care of todlers is a tough job - but one well worth the task.
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